The Problem with "That Holy Girl”
How ‘aesthetic holiness’ has swept social media and stripped Christian girls of truth.
You can’t go anywhere on social media these days without coming across a picture, video, or post referring to an illusive ethos of a character the internet has infamously crowned and coined that girl.
To the www, that girl is aesthetically always pleasing. She’s fit, she’s trendy, she’s healthy as all get-out. She wakes up early, her bedding is all white, her food is all green, and her clothes are all neutral.
In Christian circles it’s gone beyond just that girl to also include that Christian girl and that holy girl. These titles are affixed to pictures and videos of girls doing entirely normal, somewhat basic, and not exclusively Christian things (reading, going on walks, waking up early, working out, getting together with friends, cooking, etc.)
On the surface it may seem like that shouldn’t bother me. The problem however, is that none of those things actually make you good or holy or even a Christian at all *queue Trading Spouses “God-Warrior” reference below, used here for entirely ironic and comedic purposes only.*
While the routines encouraged in these posts undoubtedly promote good practices, we know through scripture that none of these habits will actually please God at all if they are separate from a real, authentic, transformational relationship with Jesus (Ephesians 2:8-9). The scripture clearly says that it is by grace through faith in Christ that we are saved.
It’s not, much to the chagrin of that holy girl, by the length of your quiet time, the depth of your prayer closet, or the amount of walks you go on a week.
In their defense, I fully recognize that purveyors of that holy girl are simply trying to encourage believers with what admittedly are really good habits.
I think the deepest problem with these posts and the overarching theme of an idealistic “holy girl” to live up to is that the only message she conveys is one of religious morality— “how to be a better Christian girl”— which is utterly disconnected from the spiritual reality found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
The relationship Jesus invites us into offers so much more than just behavior modification. Yes, God wants your behavior, and there’s definitely something to be said about forming spiritual disciplines. But he does not want your habits and rituals; your alarm clocks and green veggies and post-it note mirrors, as much as he wants your heart.
“Holiness is not ultimately about living up to a moral standard. It’s about living in Christ and living out of our real, vital union with him.” Kevin DeYoung
The other big problem with that holy girl is that she doesn’t leave room for what’s real.
Every time I saw her, that holy girl made me feel like I was doing something wrong for not waking up at 5:00 am every day to spend two hours reading my Bible. She made me feel like I must not be holy enough since my capacity in a newlywed season of life had completely changed from singleness, and I had replaced community groups with nights at home with my husband. Was I not healthy enough for literally hating smoothies? Was God displeased that my quiet time started at 10:00 am?
The sad reality is that you can do everything that holy girl tells you to do, and still not have a relationship with Jesus that makes any difference at all.
But I’ve got some good news.
There is no habit you could form or 40-day goal you could achieve that would make Jesus love you more or to earn your salvation or your place as a child of God. You are holy and set apart because Jesus is holy (2 Tim 1:9), and he made you holy and righteous before God through his redemptive, finished work on the cross (Col 1:22).
My bible teacher Blake Zimmerman said, “Holiness is one of those things that’s both already true of us if we are in Jesus, but also something yet to be fully true of us.”
When I read the stories of the Bible, what stands out to me generation after generation is a good, gracious, and unbelievably generous God who is faithful and true to his people, no matter how unfaithful they are to him. God is Holy and he calls us to be holy (Lev 11:44), and in a very real way that requires a ferocious rejection of sin at all cost.
At the end of the day, a desire for holiness ought to come from a heart of love and reverence for God; one that understands his true nature and character as a good, gracious, and loving Father. It shouldn’t be because you want to achieve an unrealistic version of yourself that, if you’re honest, you’ll never be.
God doesn’t want you to aim for an aesthetic holiness that only looks good on social media. What God wants is for you to become holy as you walk hand-in-hand with him in a tangible, life-giving, intimate relationship.
Maybe you’re like me, and you’ve seen these posts and have even been inspired by them, only to inevitably fall short.
Can I encourage you?
Don’t strive to be that holy girl.
The only goal is to be more like Christ.
I do encourage you to spend time in God’s Word, even sacrificial time that may require an early wake-up call. I implore you to seek God in prayer, maybe in a room or a space or on a walk that is dedicated as such. I urge you to surround yourself with Godly friendships and to take care of your health and wellbeing, whatever that may look like for you.
But my encouragement is to seek God for God, to know him, to love him, to grow in your knowledge and love for him. If you’ve seen the beauty of Jesus, you can’t help but want to be more like him! Don’t spend time in the Word because you just want to cross off one more thing on the “almost holy” list or because you want to be like someone you saw online.
What Jesus asks of you is to follow him through every ebb and flow of your messy life.
He asks you to trust him on every mountaintop and through every valley of your story.
He asks you to choose a relationship with him no matter the cost (and the cost will be high).
He asks for you to give him everything, even when you feel you have nothing.
This is how you continually become holy: living out your life as an active partner with Jesus Christ, letting him lead and guide you as you co-rule with him.
That’s the only kind of girl I want to be.
“Religious morality is a part [of holiness], but it’s a small part of a much richer, more beautiful truth.” — Tim Mackie